Why it’s important to readjust your dreams

After eating to our fill, we relaxed and chatted about life. At some point, I told my friend that I wanted to be married by the time I turned 25. Reason being, I didn’t want to race against my biological clock. 

I pictured a corporate life, an 8-to-5 job with a good salary, weekend getaways, and a spacious apartment where I could truly live and explore life. The idea of decorating my own space, with bookshelves filled with my favourite authors, also played in my mind.

Having a lazy Sunday, either basking in the warm sun indoors or enjoying the cool breeze over a nice lunch, while bonding with friends and family after a nice church service. 

I dreamed of traveling the world, especially across Africa, to witness its breath-taking wonders. I envisioned date nights with my partner and all those crazy, lovey-dovey moments that make life feel magical. 

In my mind, my life followed a perfect script, with everything falling into place step by step. I planned on having a maximum of five kids, with the lastborn arriving ten years after the others, a child who would be my companion in old age before they too grew up, and built their own life. 

My Western and European friends are probably gasping at the idea of five children. (Laughs)

I shut down every attempt my friend made to bring me back to reality. For a little while longer, I just wanted to live in my fantasy, away from the fact that I was still a broke third-year university student. 

The thing is, I love to dream. I love to visualize and think of the best possible outcomes. I rarely dwell on the worst-case scenarios. 

A few years later, I moved abroad, and everything changed. Suddenly, my dreams no longer fitted into my new reality. The environment was different, and nothing aligned with what I had envisioned. 

In the first few months, I tried holding on to my dreams but all it led to was frustration. It felt like trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans two sizes too small. Either I forced my way in and tore something, or it simply wouldn’t fit at all. 

For instance, I now had to confront something that had never crossed my mind in my previous fantasies. I was of a different skin colour, and that alone came with unexpected challenges. 

After countless job application rejections, unanswered messages, and the fear of losing the freedom to take care of myself the way I had grown accustomed to, fear crept in. 

At times, it felt like my path in this foreign land had already been carved out for me, and the possibilities were slim. But then again, a girl likes to dream and hope for the best. 

I fought against this reality, convincing myself that my story would be different. That I would be the exception to the many negative experiences I had heard about. 

I saw job openings that seemed perfect for me, positions I was qualified for, but rejection letters became a familiar tune. I lowered my standards and applied for jobs I once considered beneath me.

It’s one thing to be rejected from a high-calibre job, but when even the lower-tier ones turn you down, it stings differently.  

I found myself questioning everything. Was I really to stay here this long? Was I forcing things?

I was missing something. I hadn’t acknowledged that my life had changed. Thus my plans needed also some level of flexibility. 

Moving to a different country is a huge transition. Unfortunately, even after six months in France, I hadn’t fully processed that. I was facing new barriers, new challenges, and entering a new season that was shaping me differently. 

I found it hard to transition from the version of myself who was used to figuring things out in the familiar comfort of home to a new version who was still learning, adapting, and facing challenges beyond her control.

Could I still dream of a good life for myself even with all these obstructions? Of course. I just needed to adjust a few things. The dream could remain or be changed entirely. 

For example, marriage is still something beautiful that I desire. However, my timelines aren’t as rigid as they once were. My needs have evolved, and the person I was in 2022 has changed a bit. 

Sometimes, we frustrate ourselves because we want everything to align perfectly. We hold on to old dreams, not realizing that we are constantly growing and evolving. Our seasons of life shift every day. 

One thing I’ve come to understand is that it’s okay to adjust your plans. It’s okay to miss your deadlines when circumstances beyond your control come into play. 

The plans you make for winter are not the same as those for summer. So why should last year’s plans still dictate the person you are today? 

When it comes to life, we need to give ourselves grace, to accept that we evolve to different people and what we once valued so highly may no longer hold the same importance. That things might not always go as planned and to allow room for change.  

Because, in the end, life isn’t about everything going according to schedule, it’s about adapting and thriving in the journey.