As I struggled to keep warm, hydrate my lips, catch my breath, and summon the energy to keep climbing, I kept asking myself, why did I decide to come here?
I was already deep into the hike. I felt like crying; my feet were freezing, my knees numb, and the cold was unbearable.
Despite finding beautiful views along the way, it was hard to fully appreciate them when my body was aching, my feet exhausted, and my head so cold.
You’re probably wondering how I ended up here in the first place.
When I came to France, I discovered that one of the things I enjoyed doing was hiking. Luckily, the area I was in had lots of stunning mountains, which always motivated me to go on more hikes.
So, one Sunday, when I got invited to hike Les Trois Becs in department de Drôme, a hike that takes roughly five hours, I didn’t hesitate to accept the offer.
I had done shorter hikes before, one hour, two hours, so I figured, what’s the worst that could happen with this?
Armed with my jacket, headband, gloves, regular shoes that weren’t really suitable for such a long hike, and pants that weren’t warm enough, I set off.
The exciting phase
The start of the hike wasn’t that bad. It felt adventurous, and I was enjoying it. I psyched myself and geared up, which helped keep me warm. We were cruising through bushes and trees, and it felt peaceful, breathing in the fresh air.
First part done.
Just when we came out of the trees, what I saw ahead almost made me want to turn around and wait in the car. But after only 30 minutes of hiking, I wasn’t ready to give up that easily.
Right in front of me was a long, steep mountain trail with mini stairs. From where I stood, I couldn’t see the end of it.
At this point, I stood in awe, not of the mountain but of the rush decision I had made without thinking of such consequences.
The self-motivating phase
I started encouraging myself, thinking, surely there has to be an end, even if I couldn’t see it.
Then as if nature was retaliating against some unknown force, the wind began to pick up. As you all know, the higher you go… ahem, the more you start wishing you were back in your cozy, warm bed at home.
Imagine climbing a mountain against a massive force of wind? With a weight of not yet 60kg, I was running a risk of having a funny eulogy with a cause of death; carried away by the wind.
I had to hold onto sacks filled with rocks along the trail, because otherwise, I wouldn’t be here telling this story.
The person I was hiking with had done this trail before, so he knew what to expect. He comfortably marched ahead while I struggled to breathe, fight the wind, keep climbing, and stay warm.
It took what felt like an eternity to get to the top of the first bec (peak).
During the hike, my mind wandered to every corner of my life. And when I grew tired of self-reflection and motivation, I began asking myself, “Why did I decide to do this?” “Why did I say yes?”
Hope
When we finally reached the first peak, the beauty of nature blew me away. I completely forgot that I had been close to tears.
Looking down at everything beneath us felt so calming, and I was proud of what I’d accomplished.
We sat down, had some warm coffee and snacks, which helped warm me up and gave me the energy I needed for the next peak.
The next trail was a bit easier. It led through open land with bushes and thickets, short hills, and the trees around us had lovely, vibrant colors.
Depression, Frustration, Blame Game Phase
I didn’t complain or frown much. But with every second, I kept asking myself, when will this end? Where is the end?
When the body gets tired, it is no longer attractive to see the beautiful sights. I could only blame my hiking partner for walking too fast, for bringing me here, for the wind, for how far we had come—anything that annoyed me at that point.
Just before the descent, we had to cross three hills which resembled a downward three. I shed a tear; I wanted to stop.
The guy was like, “You know, Abby, the best thing is not to stop. Just keep walking, even when you’re tired.” I thought, do you even know what you’re talking about?
I wanted so badly to refuse to move my body, which already felt like it had given up. But I couldn’t.
Darkness was starting to fall, and the only way out was to force myself through it. It was tough. I felt exhausted, famished, weak, and overwhelmed.
I tried to think of something to motivate myself, but all I could think of was the misery and pain my body was going through.
My hiking partner was always 20 steps ahead, and even though I had willingly accepted the invitation, knowing the repercussions, I still blamed him.
Relief
Once we made it past that point, on the descent, I just let my body go with the wind. After hours of fighting, I finally felt relieved, letting the wind carry me to the end of the trail.
I could finally afford a smile. What a huge relief it was to see the car. I was elated.
After that hike, it took me about a month to even consider hiking again.
Moral of the story is: I’ll still go hiking again and again.
If you love what you do, keep doing it. Cry, complain, do whatever, but never stop.