Dating App Diaries: Tales of Love and Lies

The first time I ever talked about a dating app was in a small kitchen in a quiet French town, with two of my Kenyan friends.

At the time, we made it a point to talk about our social lives because mine was honestly worrying, even sickening. I kept attracting older men, a good example here, while my friend was being hit on by younger guys, some already planning weddings during the first date.

I wasn’t feeling the vibes, especially coming from a place where I was constantly surrounded by people my age. The social life at home definitely was not in the pits. France? I think it was sinking deep.

I had never even thought about online dating before. It just wasn’t my thing. But in France? That’s normal. What’s strange is not having a dating app.

So, when our ‘expert’ friend, who’d lived in France for a while, casually suggested I try a dating app, I actually considered it. For a moment, the idea felt reasonable. The benefits seemed to outweigh the blow it might have on my ego.

But you know how it goes, in through one ear, out the other. By the time I left her house, the idea had politely stayed behind with her.

Did my social life improve after that? Absolutely not. I lived in a quiet French village where older men were in plenty.

Ladies, have you ever sat back and wondered, “Why am I attracting these people?” Like, God, why me? The kind of men who approach you drain your spirit just by showing up. It’s not even emotional damage anymore, it’s physical fatigue. You’re just sick.

Anyway, a few months later, I finally gave in. I signed up on this app called Bumble. The whole thing felt so superficial. Like I was designing a poster for myself.

I wrote all my “best” qualities of course, and listed my dream-person wishlist. You know the person you ask God to deliver like a Christmas gift.

However, when I felt like I could find this guy so easily on an app, it just felt too good to be true.

Once done with the profile, I started swiping. And yeah, the people looked good, I won’t lie. The profiles were polished and almost perfect. But it just felt like scrolling through mannequins.

Still, I tried. Living abroad is all about cultural integration, right? So I tried to adapt. A week into Bumble, I deleted the app. I couldn’t do it. Swiping, scrolling, trying to ‘match’, and reading profiles that don’t feel real. Exhausting.

After all, the same “expert” friend who told me to try dating apps had her fair share of not-so-good stories. She once shared of a horrible date.

Here is an analogy: Have you ever sat across from someone and felt pure regret? Like, you’re angry at him for being the exact opposite of what you want, and even more angry at yourself for showing up? Yeah. That kind of date. And that’s when you realize, profiles lie. A lot.

Another friend of mine used the last of her savings to travel and meet a guy. Only to find out the man was married and with a child. Yet, she had no clue beforehand and nothing in his profile even hinted.

The same friend met this guy who, after just one date, decided they were in a full-blown relationship. He wouldn’t stop calling, texting, checking in, “Where are you? What are you doing?” Then one day, out of nowhere, he sends a message: “I feel like this relationship is one-sided, so I think we should break up.”

Sir, what relationship?

These stories are partly what convinced me to forget about the app even though I had heard of one success.

I met a couple who were planning to get engaged, and guess what? They met on Tinder.

All I can say is, good for them. Honestly. To everyone who found love, friendship, or whatever it is they were looking for on those apps, I’m happy for you. Because let’s be real, people go there for all sorts of reasons.

But me? Just the thought of setting up a dating profile makes me cringe.

I’d rather bump into someone in a park, a bus, at a random street corner, at a party, or anywhere that feels natural, spontaneous, unplanned.

After all, I already gave this whole “cultural integration” thing a fair shot.

How about you though? Ever tried a dating app? Had a weird date? Found your person?

Let us know in the comments below.