Living Abroad: A Sibling’s Perspective on Missing Out on Family

Chronicles of living abroad part, I can’t even number them anymore.

During a video call with my siblings, I had a glance at my nephew and almost mistook him for my younger brother because of his height.  

My younger brother has grown so much. Now, he keeps touching his chin as if watering tiny, invisible beards he believes he already has.

My younger sister, the other day, proudly showed me a whole collection of makeup she bought for herself. These are things I haven’t even used yet.

It feels like just yesterday when we were all fighting over silly things, and they were cheeky and messy.  

Now, my brother is striking poses in photos, showing off his fashion sense, and my sister is talking about the next hairstyle she wants to try. It leaves me wondering when life started getting this complicated for kids. 

To me, they are still the younger versions of themselves, the ones I used to argue with, who cried and wailed when they didn’t want to do chores.

I still picture the little kids I used to bathe in the evenings, chasing them around the house during their playful mischief.  

For context, they’re twins. But somehow, I still expect them to stay frozen in time as the versions of themselves I left behind.

I know it’s impossible to happen, but…. Is this how parents feel when their kids grow up? 

Missing out

Time slips away so quickly and one can’t help but feel like they’re missing out most especially when they are abroad or away from home. 

Every time I think about how much they’ve grown; I almost give up on the idea of ever catching up. 

My younger brother has even started talking about working and living abroad, and I can’t help but laugh. I’m like boy, I’m not having this conversation with a baby.  

But no, they’re not kids anymore. They’re 18. OMG!   

When I see family photos, I feel a mix of happiness and melancholy. Their smiles bring me joy, but I can’t help but internalize on how much they’ve changed.

I imagine their conversations before taking the picture, the laughter, the energy, the teasing roasts they must have shared.  

I’m not even sure if I get it right in my imaginations because times have changed and certainly their conversations are not the same as a year ago.  

Life moves on sadly, and every day brings new changes and growth. 

What it takes

Living abroad might seem glamorous, but it’s mentally tough.

You have to find the strength to watch your family thrive without you, hitting milestones in your absence. You miss the big moments, the start of new families, the birth of nieces and nephews, losing loved ones, or even simple reunions.   

I often wonder how long it will take me to catch up when I finally go home. 

Will I get used to my brother’s deep voice, whether it’s real or just his attempt to sound older? Will I manage the shock of finding my clothes moved to another room because my sister’s stuff has taken over the one we shared?

When she told me that by the way, I laughed but also felt like jumping on a plane immediately. Like who told her I’m never coming back?  

Fact is; I miss those family moments they now share with my parents, the closeness they have both physically and emotionally.  

Life is strange sometimes, those at home want to leave, while those away just want to go back.   

Coming from a big family, with seven kids, I could go on forever about my siblings. I’m the fifth-born, so you can imagine how much the older ones have grown and changed too.   

So, to everyone who has left home to build a life for themselves: know that you are strong, and you’ll always find your way through anything.  

To those at home with family, know you are blessed and lucky, you already have most of what you need.  

And to those from broken homes, who left because staying even a single day was unbearable, or those forced to stay despite feeling suffocated every moment: I pray you find your light.